


Operation Jealousy

by iinoyb



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell, Alternate Universe - Underswap, Blow Jobs, Ectobiology, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-25 00:47:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12024558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iinoyb/pseuds/iinoyb
Summary: Swap doesn't like how much time Blue is spending with Fell. Red does not like being ignored. There is a common enemy here. But their efforts to break up the couple might not go according to plan, with unexpected results... (Repost from my old account)





	Operation Jealousy

"Ugh... would you just look at them!" The alternate version of Sans grunts, voice dripping with barely concealed distaste. "Don't you get nauseous from the sight."

"Nauseous isn't the word I would use." Swap hums, inhaling the smoke of his cigarette. Smoking when you don't have any lungs, nor any lips as a matter of fact, is quite a feat, but he's had plenty of time to practice.

"What is the word you'd use, then?" The other asks almost testily, bony fingertips drumming against the table in an impatient manner.

Swap exhales again, gray colored smoke circling through the air to dissipate against the ceiling. He leans his chin against his hand, elbow planted firmly on the tabletop. He takes the fag out of his mouth to answer.

"Disturbing." He decides, after a moment of observing the scene.

This other version of him is sitting on the couch, legs crossed in that particular haughty fashion of his. Blue, _his Sans_ , is standing in front of the TV, excitingly elaborating on something or the other.

The small skeleton is making grand gestures as he explains whatever it is he is trying to convey, scarf swaying with his movements, and a lively sparkle in his eyes.

Fell seems to be doing his best to pretend to be listening to the other's explanation, even trying to add a nod at the appropriate times.

But Swap knows better.

The way those dark eye sockets are gliding over his brother's frame, appreciative, lusting after.

It brings out a side of him he rather not see.

Because jealousy is a really unbecoming thing for an adult monster like him, especially seeing as Blue is not his to claim anyway.

His younger brother can do whatever he wants, who is Swap to say otherwise?

Besides, Swap is convinced that fucked up version of him from another timeline won't overstep any boundaries. He made sure of that.

Such a fun conversation that had been.

Still, he'd be lying if he said it didn't bother him.

Blue just didn't spend as much time with him anymore. Now he took Fell out to show of his human traps. They spend hours devising puzzles and watching TV. They even cooked together.

Swap couldn't remember the last time his brother had chided him for being too lazy, and for some reason found out that he really missed it.

He missed the attention.

* * *

Red was plain right disgusted.

This other version of him was... idiotic. Hyperactive and upbeat and so so idiotic. He wouldn't last a minute back in their universe.

What was it the boss saw in that guy anyway?

Sure, Red could admit Blue was... cute, in a sickening kind of way. Too pure for this world.

Gag!

When his brother had become so infatuated with the other small skeleton, Red had expected himself to be relieved.

Finally no more grumbling and whining. Finally he can just sleep and relax and generally do his thing without the fear of getting dusted any second, like back in their version of the Underground.

Red had expected himself to be elated.

He isn't.

He is bored.

Oh, and maybe a tad bit jealous.

Because now his brother is spending all his time with Blue, Red can't recall the last time his Papyrus dragged him along to his outpost to stand guard.

Or make Lasagna with mustard, saying he just wanted to try a new recipe, while Red knew full well it was just one of the boss' strange ways of showing he cared.

He wants Fell to get angry at him for some stupid reason and yell at him. At least then he will get the attention he so rightly deserves.

So yeah... maybe more than a tad bit jealous.

"Fucking disturbing, yeah." He mumbles, making Swap, who thought their conversation was over, look over at him languidly.

"Not like we can do anything about it... It's their choice." The tall skeleton drones, exhaling even more smoke into the air around them.

Red waves it away angrily, more out of principle than out of any fear of ruining his none-existent lungs.

"It's a fucking mistake, is what that is..." He comments, dropping his hand back to the tabletop a tad harder than necessary.

The sound makes Blue startle up all the way across the room. He looks over and waves at his older brother, earsplitting grin on his face. Swap makes some type of hand gesture back.

Fell also diverts his gaze towards them, but with a rather more disapproving look. Red promptly answers by raising his middle finger. His brother frowns some more.

When the two are engaged in conversation again, Red resumes, fingertips tracing a small crack in the table's surface.

"They really don't know what they're getting themselves into." He adds.

Swap tilts his skull slightly, tone suddenly becoming very low. "Maybe somebody should intervene... you know, for their own good?"

And while he tries to say it in a casual way, there is a distinct contemplative quality to his voice that makes Red perk up immediately.

"Of course. As their elder siblings, I'd say it's our duty..." He answers, phalanges back to tapping the table again.

"Because surely we're only trying to help..."

"And theirs is just a train wreck waiting to happen."

They stare at each other for a few moments, probably thinking exactly the same thing.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Red remembers this version of his brother is actually a lot closer to his likeness than Blue will ever be, at least as far as personality is concerned.

As for looks though, it's definitely the boss, and somehow this thought makes him avert his eyes again.

"But I'm sure as hell not getting in between that." He comments, and Swap follows his gaze to the couch.

Where somehow, Blue has ended up in Fell's lap, small legs entwined around the much taller skeleton's spine. The latter is whispering something that makes a bright blue blush spread across the smaller's cheekbones.

Clawed hands are gently pulling at the blue bandana, revealing more of the pearly white neck beneath, and Red can see a tongue start to peek out to-

"Alright, this needs to stop!" Swap blurts out, suddenly standing up, chair legs scraping against the tile kitchen floor.

Luckily the couple is too engaged in each other to actually notice the outburst. Red diverts his attention to this lazy approximation of his brother, glad to have an excuse to not stare at the sickening -slightly arousing- scene in the living room.

"Sure, you have fun waltzing in there like a fucking moron and-" Red begins, but Swap cuts him off by laying a hand on his shoulder.

The touch makes him automatically tense, not used to any form of physical contact that does not elicit an extremely painful response.

Instead, this press feels almost gentle.

"I have a better idea." Swap says, with a devious grin that Red isn't sure whether he should fear or admire. "And I'm going to need your help."

* * *

Red would not hesitate to call himself a cynic. It's pretty much the major part of what constitutes his personality.

Therefore it shouldn't come as a surprise that he was a tad... skeptical about Swap's plan at first.

The taller skeleton was adamant that it would work, saying it has been used as a plot device on tv shows for ages now.

Red wouldn't know about that, but he had to admit the basics of it made sense.

People will always desire to have what they can't, especially if somebody else does. It's one of the biggest motivators in life.

In fact, isn't that the exact reasoning behind their own motivations?

Still, he couldn't shake the sinking feeling that there was a major oversight here, he just couldn't figure out what.

All trepidation aside, he did agree to play along in the end. Why, you ask?

Red doesn't even know himself.

Boredom, probably. The novelty of it, change in his never-ending tedium called life. Or perhaps because he knows it has the distinct possibility of driving his brother up the wall, which is always a worthwhile event.

Or maybe, just maybe, he just needs an excuse to spend more time with this alternate timeline version of Papyrus, who seems so much more kind-hearted than his.

More relaxed, more sympathetic... All the things Red could never hope to find in his brother.

But with the same dashing good looks.

He derails his own train of thoughts right then and there, because did he really just think that?

Nope, no, not happening. Better just stick to the plan.

* * *

"Alright, if we're going to do this, we better do it right." Swap mumbles, putting out his most recent smoke and resisting the urge to immediately grab another one.

He lets his gaze wander over the other critically, ignoring the way Red automatically tenses at the scrutiny.

"What?!" The small skeleton grumbles, sounding defensive as always. Swap shakes his head at him.

"Nothing. It will do." He answers quickly, before opening the door and inclining his head. "We've been up here long enough, they'll get the idea."

"What will do?" Red asks irritably, proceeding out of the door which the other holds open for him.

The taller skeleton sighs slightly, mouth corner twitching up in a grin.

"Nothing, I was just joking." He says, closing the door behind him and glancing over the landing.

His little brother and the other him aren't in the living room anymore, but there is a distinct burning smell pervading the entire house, so it's not hard to guess where they're hanging out.

"No, seriously, what?" Red tries again, as they're descending the staircase, but Swap just shakes his head in answer.

He sometimes forgets this guy has a... warped sense of humor, and his usual jokes tend to go way over his head. He guesses he can go about trying to fix that little quirk later, when they weren't busy trying to break up their brothers relationships.

Red opens his mouth again, but Swap lays his hand over it to silence him, as they're coming up to the kitchen now.

The smaller skeleton immediately startles and goes rigid upon being touched, another mannerism Swap is anxious to remedy sometime. And another reason why he doesn't like this Fell guy hanging around his Sans.

"Alright." He says, careful to keep his voice low so only Red can hear it. "Just follow my lead."

"Sure thing, B-" The smaller skeleton interrupts the automatic title, barely suppressing a tiny smirk. "Chief."

* * *

If they thought the smell of burning food was bad just now, this was a culinary nightmare.

A dark cloud of smoke hangs against the ceiling that would put any of Swap's cigarettes to shame, and makes him thankful for the lack of lungs all over again.

The fumes seem to originate from somewhere around the stove, where the two other skeletons are busy preparing their biological hazards... I mean food.

"Hey bro, what are you up to?" He asks loudly, having to put actual effort into making himself be heard over the sound of burning vegetables.

Blue spins around eagerly, the movement somehow spraying charred pieces of tomato all over the floor.

"Oh, there you are, Pappy!" He exclaims, blue eyes lighting up at the sight of his brother. "We're almost done making diner. We've got my amazing tacos-" Blue proudly displays a plate full of half-black shells and filling. "And Fell is making pasta."

"It's not just ' _pasta_ '." The other grumbles, not taking his eyes off the pot of sauce he's currently stirring so hard, Swap is surprised the wooden spoon hasn't broken yet. "It's called Lasagna."

"Isn't that the same thing?" Red drones, hands tucked into the pockets of his hoodie.

"It certainly isn't!" Fell hisses at him, finally turning his head and narrowing his eyes at his brother.

Swap shrugs. "I don't know. For me it's near im-pasta-ble to tell the difference."

Red snorts besides him, and the sound makes him feel giddy for some reason.

"Ah! Your sauce!" Sans suddenly yelps, grabbing Fell's arm urgently.

In their few moments of diverted attention the content of the pot has caught on fire and is now merely burning away, pungent smell filling the room.

The tall skeleton stares at it wide eyed for a second, as if unsure what to do with it, before grabbing the entire thing and promptly flinging it out of the nearest window.

The smash of shattering glass, followed by the sound of the yelps of unsuspecting bystanders and a satisfying hiss as the snow sufficiently puts out the tiny inferno.

All four stand and stare at the broken window for a few seconds, before Blue jumps up, as agitated as before.

"That could have hit someone!" He nearly screams, face contorting into an adorable pout.

Fell crosses his arms and averts his gaze, turning slightly red at the facial expression. "Yeah, so?"

Blue looks like he's about to say something more, but Red quickly cuts in. "Guess we're not having any lasagna, huh. Pity..."

The way he says it makes it sound like they avoided a bullet, and Swap is inclined to agree with him. He's had Fell's cooking before. Talk about horrible food...

"No matter. The Great Sans has made enough tacos for everyone." His little brother pipes up, brandishing the same plate as before.

Fell makes a disgusted noise at the sight. "Ugh, I'm not eating that. It looks horrible."

Blue's eyes get really big, shoulders hunching slightly and an obvious hurt look passing over his face.

Swap is about to give his other self a very bad time indeed, but the dark-clothed skeleton is already sputtering, trying to take back his crude statement.

"No, I mean- It's not that they- It's just-" Fell tries, seemingly ready to follow his ruined pot of sauce out of the window any second now if only to get out of the conversation.

While it's an amusing sight, Swap thinks they should get this show on the road.

"I know." He says loudly, getting everyone's attention, and trying to play it off as if the idea just hit him. "We could all go to Grillby's together."

Blue and Fell both look like they are about to protest, but he doesn't give them the chance to do so.

"Come on, it'd be fun. Look at it as a date." He says casually. Blue's eyes get big again, for an entirely different reason this time.

But Fell looks less convinced. "It's not really a date if you two tag along." He defies, crossing his arms in front of him.

"Sure it is. A double date." Swap comments, looking the other tall skeleton dead in the eye sockets as he does so.

He watches as Fell opens his mouth, then closes it again and does a double take. His brother is pretty much vibrating in excitement by now.

"Oh. my. stars! Pappy!" The small skeleton practically glomps him. "You!? And Red!? That's great!"

Fell just raises an eyebrow. "You and him?" He mutters. "Well, I guess it makes sense. You're both lazy and worthless."

The words seem to stir Red from his rather passive state, and in an impulsive moment he grabs Swap's arm and pulls him closer, who now finds himself with two small skeleton's hanging from him.

"Yes, me and him. Is that a problem, Boss?"

Fell rolls his eyes at him. "Not at all." Instead, he takes a hold of Blue's bandana and drags him off his brother, towards himself instead. "Let's just go, I'm starving here..."

They take off towards the door, leaving Swap and Red standing in the kitchen, a slight draft wafting in through the broken window.

"Ok..." The tall skeleton says, slowly dragging a hand over his face. "It's a start, but we really need to kick it up a notch to get the reaction we want."

He looks down at the smaller monster besides him with a smirk.

"They're gone. You can let go now."

"Pft! I know that." Red grumbles, but it takes a few more seconds before he actually does.

* * *

It's warm and dimly lit inside the bar, the interior bathing in a dull orange-tinted glow. It's still fairly empty, it being a pretty early hour to have dinner.

Some regulars are mulling around the place, hanging at the bar or sitting around the large poker table set up in the middle of the establishment. The titular elemental himself stands behind the counter, serenely cleaning a glass with a white cloth.

Barely a head is lifted in their direction as the four skeletons enter.

Fell is up front, wasting no time in making his way over to one of the comfy looking booths on the right side and waiting until Blue takes a seat first before plopping down next to him.

Swap does the same for Red, pointedly sitting across from this more grumpy looking version of himself.

Blue is busy chatting amiable about something or the other to his counterpart, really taking advantage of the fact that skeletons don't need to breathe to keep up a constant stream of words.

Reds looks a bit awkward but does his best to nod at the required moments, or grunt something none-committal in response. He still doesn't get how anybody can be so... naïve, but recognizes the effort.

And in a strange way, he can understand why his brother has taken such a fascination with this guy.

Swap doesn't notice, too busy staring at Fell, who is staring resolutely back, trying hard to look more menacing than he really is.

"So... You and him, huh." He mutters darkly, eyes flicking to his brother briefly. "How did that happen, exactly?"

Swap drums his fingertips on the table idly, wishing for something to occupy his hands with. He really wants to just pull out a smoke already, but knows it's a non-smoking establishment.

Way to be a hypocrite, Grillby.

"You know how those things go." He says instead, phalanges brushing the cracks in the table.

Fell snorts at the vague reply, eyes narrowing slightly. "Enlighten me."

"Oh, well, that's simple. While you two were having such a great time together, we got to hanging out..." Swap easily throws his arm around Red's shoulder while saying this, for added effect.

The smaller skeleton desperately resists his instinctive reflex to clog the other up the skull, grinning like a maniac instead, trying to keep his left eye socket from twitching.

"And in doing so, we found out we had lots in common."

The scarred browbone over Fell's right eye raises, voice slightly suspicious. "Like what?"

"Yeah, Chief, like what?" Red mumbles, so close to the other that their sides are practically touching.

"Well... We like to do the same things."

"Fell and me like to do the same things too." Blue nods, having to sit on his knees to properly lean on the table. "We can cook together, build traps, solve puzzles,..."

"Yeah, they know." Fell grumbles quickly, cheekbones turning red again. "But my brother doesn't _do_ anything." He adds, gesturing at Red across the table.

"Of course. And I like to do nothing as well." Swap explains. "So we do nothing together."

"... Right." Fell still sounds dubious about the whole ordeal, but leans back in his seat none the less.

"I like sleeping." Red mumbles, because really this whole thing is already well on its way to giving him a splitting headache, and he rather just have stayed in bed, instead of somehow ending up in the middle of a crowded bar with a warm hand clutching his shoulder and-

"See! I love sleeping too, I'm great in bed." Swap jokes, smiling widely at his own humor.

Until Blue starts talking again.

"So you sleep together?"

Swap looks at his innocent baby brother and feels a tiny part of himself die on the inside.

"Of course we're sleeping together. We sleep together all the time." His voice sure sounds steady for somebody who's lying through his tightly clenched teeth.

Red is elbowing him in the side, but he ignores it.

"Fell asked me to sleep with him, too, but I told him the great Sans has no time to snooze." Blue remarks, and the tall skeleton besides him jumps up as if the seat itself was on fire.

"Who's ready for food? I need food! I'm getting food!" He almost yelps, quickly removing himself from the table.

Swap gets up instantly to follow him, and Red shifts slightly, suddenly acutely aware of how comfortable that arm around his shoulder felt, now that it's gone.

* * *

"Shove it!" Fell grumbles, as soon as Swap catches up to him at the counter. "It's none of you're fucking business."

"It kind of is, since it's my little brother you're trying to screw. Literally and figuratively." He leans against the bar, watching as Grillby seems to be concocting something with his back towards them.

"It's not like that." The other hisses sharply, and Swap sees he's starting to blush again. He wonders to what extent Blue has managed to have a positive effect on the other, if only in bringing out his inner dork.

Or what was the word Undyne used? A tsundere?

"Besides, I could be saying the same to you."

This does startle Swap, and he falters. "W-Why would you say that?"

"My brother-" Fell glances over his shoulder to observe the two smaller skeletons still at the table, also engaged in conversation. "He's- You can't just- You know what, never mind. Who cares."

He grabs the two milkshakes Grillby just put down before him and leans closer to Swap, a dark look on his face.

It is with some amusement that Swap notes this other version of him is almost an inch shorter than him, even with the heels.

"Just don't do anything fucking stupid."

He is left standing there, feeling not intimidated at all, but slightly confused instead.

* * *

"What are you staring at?" Red asks, slightly irritated. The two taller skeletons have just left the table, and now he's sitting here while this hyperactive version of himself is smiling creepily at him.

Blue steeples his gloved hands under his chin, leaning on the table again. "Nothing. I'm just happy for you." He says, sparkle in his eyes.

"Happy for me?" Red frowns. This whole altruism thing is still pretty foreign to him.

"Of course. And for my brother." When the other still looks at him in none-understanding, Blue heaves a little sigh, throwing a quick look over his shoulder to make sure the other two are still busy at the front.

"To be honest, Pappy can get a bit... despondent, at times. But he seems pretty light-hearted today. It was even his idea to come here. I think it's because of you..."

"Because of me?" Red realizes he is just echoing back what's being said to him right now, but he doesn't care.

Blue nods eagerly. "You know." He adds in a low voice, almost as if he's about to relay some kind of secret. "My dating handbook says relationships are meant to bring out the best side of people. Make them a better person."

Red opens his mouth to response but doesn't. Is that what's happening here? Between this guy and his brother?

Between him and-

Wait a second, they don't actually have a relationship, what is he even talking about.

Instead, he opts for a sarcastic remark.

"Yeah, right. I don't think my brother actually has a best side."

"Really? You disappoint me, Sans." Fell, who just came back, remarks. He takes a seat again, putting one of the beverages he's carrying in front Blue.

Red startles slightly, but is quick to recover. "Well, you didn't bring me any grub, so I'm just saying..." He complains, looking sour.

"I figured that was his job." He points a thumb at where Swap is still standing. "Since he's your boyfriend and all."

"He's not my boyfriend!" Red automatically blurts, feeling heat creep onto his face. At the look the other two monsters are giving him, he lets out a weak cough. "I mean... You make it sound so sappy."

Fell twirls the straw in his milkshake as he shrugs. "Whatever he is then. Your fuckbuddy, your slampiece, your-"

He stops because Blue is stomping him in the arm.

"Language!" The small skeleton reprimands sternly.

Just then, Swap returns, setting down a large order of french fries on their side of the table, with a two bottles. Honey and...

"Mustard?" Red looks at the food dubiously. He has never met anybody else who enjoys the off-yellowish condiment on... well, on anything really.

Swap hesitates. "Uh.. yeah. That's what you prefer, isn't it?"

"Sure." Red grabs the bottle eagerly, immediately going to take a large swig from it. "I'm just surprised you remembered."

The corner of Swap's mouth twitches up into a grin. "Of course I remembered, Babe."

Red chokes on his drink so hard it almost comes spraying out of his nose hole. He narrowly evades this fate, the fact that he doesn't need to breathe helping tremendously, gripping the table hard.

He feels the seat dip slightly as Swap retakes his seat next to him, and both the warmth at his side, as well as the arm draped over his shoulder, instantly return to their previous position.

"You ok?" The taller skeleton asks seriously, looking over at him in slight concern.

Red manages to clear his throat to answer, through clenched teeth. "Don't worry, I'm just fine."

And then, with a small, mischievous smirk. "Thanks, honey buns."

Swap's reaction is more dignified, even if his entire face suddenly turns bright orange.

"Welp, that just completely ruined my day." Fell comments. "Not sappy my ass."

Blue thumps his arm again, but looks positively giddy. "I think it's cute." The small skeleton almost giggles.

He stares at the taller skeleton besides him with big blue eyes, and Fell stares back with his closest approximation of a death glare.

"NO! We are not doing that." He groans, face contorting into a frown.

Blue just keeps staring, eyes getting impossibly bigger, lip trembling... and are those tears in the corners of his eye sockets?

"We'll talk about it." Fell yields at last, looking anywhere but at the other people at the table.

The small skeleton just returns to sipping his blueberry milkshake with a smug smile.

* * *

The pub is slowly filling up with patrons, monsters of all types gathering around the various tables to enjoy a nice hearty meal.

Every time the door opens, a cold gust of air disturbs the coziness, precious warmth leaking out into the frigid Snowdin air.

Red stares at it, stares hard. It's a meager distraction, but all he has to redirect his raging thoughts.

The plan is not fucking working. He'd be a total idiot not to notice.

Blue is chattering on and on about something he lost track of ages ago, and he is now 100% sure the little shit was really being upfront about just being happy for his brother.

And the boss, well...

Red can't even recall what he had been thinking. Maybe if his brother wasn't engaged in a... relationship of his own, his inner possessive bastard would have arisen to the surface, as they had hoped.

As it was, it seemed like Fell couldn't give less of a shit what Red got up to.

What a fucking disappointment.

He couldn't wait for the food to be finished so they could all get back to the house and forget this ever happened.

And he could have a decent wank, because fuck it if all the physical contact he had so unexpectedly obtained this evening , hadn't gotten him comepletely rilled up.

He wanted to go home and touch himself, dammit.

At least he can have as much mustard as he wants, forgoing the fries all together and opting to drink straight from the bottle.

"You got something on your face." His brother grumbles suddenly, and Red perks up to see Blue has managed to get some splatters of the gooey milkshake on his cheek somehow.

The small skeleton leans back, sticking his tongue out to try reach the sticky substance, but falls utterly short in managing to actually get it.

Fell watches him do so for a while, face growing slightly red at the sight, though whether from annoyance or embarrassment, Red can't tell.

Then the taller skeleton bends forward, bringing his face close to Blue and promptly cleaning the spill with his own tongue, lingering maybe slightly longer than absolutely necessary.

Red feels himself become very hot at the sight, and the hand on his shoulder tightens considerably, but Blue giggles and turns his head, engaging the monster next to him in a tentative kiss.

That doesn't stay tentative for very long... fucking hell.

Next thing he knows, Swap is grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the confines of the bar booth, mumbling some sort of excuse about privacy to the other two.

His face is contorted in an expression that is not quite awkward and not quite comfortable, just wholly out of place.

He proceeds to drag Red behind him when he quickly exits the bar. The smaller skeleton could pull free any second, if he felt so inclined, but heck if this day hasn't been going all askew already.

Maybe he could take a nap soon.

The cold outside air hits them like a full on blizzard, but they only have to suffer it for a fraction of a second, before Red feels the world around them bend, neatly tearing open before them and depositing them back inside the living room.

"Crap, could you not do that so casually!" Red complains loudly, shrugging Swap off as he settles into reality again.

Taking shortcuts doesn't feel as great when you're just a ride-along.

The tall skeleton stops digging through his pockets, presumable looking for his favorite vice again, and looks at him, seeming to snap out of whatever made him so anxious.

"Sorry." He says earnestly, finally digging out his trusted pack of cigs and extracting one, lighting it and taking the first draw in a matter of seconds.

They watch the smoke rise to the ceiling, curling into various shapes until it fades out of existence.

Red is just beginning to think he might excuse himself and find the nearest relatively flat surface to collapse onto, to sleep of his mustard-induced flush... or maybe the rest of his mortal existence, when...

"Well, that didn't go according to plan." He hears Swap say, and turns to see the other has taken a seat on the couch, one hand in his pocket while the other cradles the smoke between two fingers.

There is a moments hesitation, but after all the stuff they did today, Red decides to sink down on the floor in front of the sofa, back resting against the seat. His left elbow brushes against Swap's knee almost unbidden, and neither pulls away.

"That's the fucking understatement of the year." He grunts, pulling up his knees and plucking at the frayed edges of his short. "They don't give a fuck."

"Well, you know what..." Swap leaves a heavy pause between the sentences too, as if to add to the dramatics. "I don't either."

Red tilts his head back to catch the other's eye, but their positions make it impossible. He ends up staring at the dissipating smoke instead.

"Don't you?" He asks, genuinely curious for a change.

Out of the corner of his eye, he can just about catch a glimpse of Swap shrugging, eyes half-lidded with a distant expression in them.

"Not really... It was just a stupid idea." The way the tall skeleton says it gives Red pause. A kind of tiredness and self-loathing hidden beneath the statement that should be really concerning.

He gets no time to question it though, as Swap bends forward and offers him the cigarette.

The smaller monster shakes his head, grimacing at the disgusting thing.

"Besides, it doesn't matter." Swap continues smoking alone, but his grin is slightly more sincere now. "As long as my little bro is happy. That's the most important thing."

The underlying love in such a statement would normally sicken him, but right now, Red just feels strangely... hollow.

"Sappy." He grumbles under his breath, and Swap laughs behind him.

"Oh, come on." He taps the ashes of the cigarette onto the carpet, making a neat little pile. "Don't tell me it's not true."

Red opts not to respond, just grunting dismissively. But apparently his silence is an answer in and of itself, because he can feel Swap shift on the couch behind him and suddenly, there are two legs on either side of him.

He tilts his head back again, resting it against the seat, and looks straight up into the other's face, upside down from this vintage point.

"Let me guess." Swap hums, amused smile playing around his lips. "You're grumpy and mad all the time because you think nobody cares about you, not even your own brother."

Red stiffens, narrowing his eyes but recovering quickly. "Don't tell me it isn't true." He echoes, mocking evident in his tone.

"It isn't true." Swap deadpans, contented grin not wavering in the least. Somehow, the expression does not bother Red as much as it did before.

"How would you know?" The small skeleton clenches his fists against the carpet, trying not to let his dismay show.

The other monster takes a drag from his cigarette, smile pulling up even more, half-lidded gaze focused on the one beneath him.

"I have my sources." He hums, almost too quiet to hear. Red spins around then, perching on his knees in between Swap's legs.

His hands clamp around both femurs to keep himself steady, still needing to tilt his head upwards to face the taller skeleton. "Don't be a dick." Red grunts, trying to look menacing but utterly failing.

Swap leans forward, almost bending in half to bring their faces closer together.

If they had noses they'd certainly be touching right now, and Red goes slightly cross-eyed trying to focus his gaze on the smoke still curling upward between them.

They stare at each other for several second, the angry look on Red's face slowly turning into a mildly irritated one under the other's continued scrutiny.

This prompts Swap to let out a soft chuckle. "You're pretty cute when you're angry."

Despite the super cliché pick-up line, the moment their mouths actually meet isn't anything special.

Time doesn't stop. It doesn't feel like a lightening strike or a jolt that rocks his entire body.

But it feels comfortable and easy and most of all just plain nice, and there's not much more that Red can ask for.

He can actually feel the cigarette smoke against his summoned tongue when Swap opens his mouth to deepen the kiss.

Their current position puts a bit of strain on his neck, but Red doesn't care, instead removing his hands from the taller skeletons legs to instead grip at his neck and pull him even closer.

Without realizing it, his eyes have slipped closed, the world narrowing down to the magic swelling between them and the feel of a tongue against his own.

He has never done this before, never even thought about doing this, but now that he's here, Red can't tell for the life of him why he waited so long.

After a few minutes of heated kissing, helped tremendously by not needing the oxygen, Swap pulls back, face flushed but not looking half as wrecked as Red feels.

The tall skeleton simply sits back, spine cracking in protest as he does so, and brings the cig back to his mouth, still smoking.

The butt glows lightly amber in the dim lighting of the room... when had it turned so dark?

Red can barely make out the other's face, the slight color of orange on those cheekbones, the vague shine of the cigarette, and a similar warm glow coming from-

oh...

OH.

"I need to finish my smoke first." Swap hums, relaxing back into the couch, mischievous grin completing the picture.

Red chuckles softly. "Is that so?"

He reaches forward, not wasting time in fondling the considerable tent that has formed in the other skeletons trouser's, and Swap hisses above him.

"Don't tell me watching our brothers like that has gotten you all riled up." The small skeleton massages the magical appendage through the fabric, maybe a bit too harshly. "You're a fucking pervert, aren't cha."

A blazing orange eye cracks open from where it had been squeezed shut in pleasure, and watches him in amusement. "And you aren't?"

Swap nudges his foot against his leg, and Red is painfully aware of the aching erection in his own shorts. But that wasn't the point, now was it?

He pulls on the tall skeletons pants, forcing him to shimmy up his hips in order to slip the garment off.

smooth, white pelvic bone is laid bare before him, magic gathered around the middle to form a size-able, slightly transparent looking member.

Red has to refrain from licking his lips at the sight.

He might have been a bit out of his depth where kissing or affections are concerned, but this is more up his alley.

He strokes the bones, marveling at the unmarred, pale surface. It's not at all similar to his own, and the thought fills him with exhilaration.

Swap drops his head back, gasping softly, as Red continues to explore his hipbone, phalanges tracing the ridges of the pelvis and the small crevices at the bottom.

He bends forward, propped up on his knees between the tall skeleton's legs, feeling them squeeze against his body with every shudder.

Red doesn't feel like going slow. Hands grasping the base, his mouth descends hungrily upon the bright orange member in front of him, summoned tongue coming out to lick wetly along the sides.

Swap curses under his breath, hand trembling slightly but still not stopping to indulgence in his vice of choice, the smoke escaping his mouth in stuttering breaths.

Red bobs his head slowly, hands braced against the sides of the pelvis in front of him and rubbing eagerly as he sucks in earnest.

The taste is nearly indescribably, an unearthly combination of sweet and spicy. Like honey and mustard.

Magic can do some great things at times.

He feels one of the tall skeleton's hands cradling the back of his skull, near the nape of his neck, boney fingers barely brushing against the top of his vertebrae. The lingering touch is enough to put Red on edge already.

He slows his movements to an almost crawl, languidly going up and down, almost allowing the slick cock to slip out of his mouth entirely.

Swap moans aimlessly, pushing down minutely harder in response. With a groan, Red squeezes the sacrum beneath his fingertips tightly, hoping the other gets the message.

He does, because the hand at the back of the small skeleton's head pushes downward, guiding his movements along the throbbing member, careful at first, then harder.

Red moans in approval, the vibrations making Swap shudder again, as he fucks the willing mouth beneath him in earnest.

The fingers rub against the bottom of his cranium with the motion, sending delicious sparks down his spine, straight to his still straining member.

He dislodges one hand from the pelvis in front of him to stroke himself instead, immediately setting up an urgent pace, in time with the thrusts down his throat.

"AA-AH... Nnng-God-" The skeleton above him stutters, phalanges gripping almost painfully on his skull now and hips elevating of the couch in his excitement.

Swap's hand pushes down hard, Red almost chocking on the dick being forced down his throat, and he can feel a spurt of thick, hot liquid fill his mouth.

The roughness of the act makes him rub even harder, soiling his shorts even as Swap rides out his orgasm, still thrusting deep.

His release rips through him harshly, entire body shaking with the intensity. It has been entirely too long.

When he sits back, a spill of orange tinged fluid running down from the corner of his mouth, the tall skeleton is looking at him with half-lidded eyes.

Swap takes a final drag from his cig, (the fucker was smoking through the whole thing?) before pushing it out on the armrest, brushing the stray ash onto the ground.

Then, he leans forward again, hand reaching tentatively to cup Red's cheek and pull him in for another kiss. The taste is even more exquisite now.

They look at each other, arousal still heavy in the air around them, magic not yet sated in the least.

"Bedroom?" Red asks slowly, vaguely proud of how composed his voice still sounds.

Swap runs a thumb along the edge of his mouth, moistness catching on his finger. "Bedroom."

* * *

"Can we go in yet, I'm fucking freezing."

"Shhh, I'm trying to listen here." Blue presses his ear hole against the door harder, trying to catch any sounds from within.

Fell stamps his boots harshly, staring at the door as if the sheer intensity of his gaze might burn a hole through it. "Couldn't those lazy fuckers even wait until they reached their bedroom. Now I won't be able to sit on that couch anymore without throwing up."

"SSSSHHHH." The tiny skeleton shushes him again, but there is only utter silence from the house. After a few second more, he pulls his head back. "I think they're gone."

"Finally." Fell huffs as he pushes past Blue and into the living room, immediately aware of the lingering spent magic in the air, a distinct residue of sex.

"Fucking hell." He curses, waving his hands in front of his face as if that would somehow help.

Blue purses his lips at him. "Don't be dramatic." He scolds, then lighting up with a grin again. "I told you this would work. Just according to the plan of the one and only amazing Sans."

He rubs his gloved hands together triumphantly, scarf blowing in an impossibly there breeze.

"Indeed, your plan to get our brothers to fuck each other, so that we could finally get out of their endless scrutiny, went quite splendidly." Fell roles his eyes, but only because the other's back is turned towards him. "Did your plan account for that, though."

Blue looks towards what the tall skeleton is pointing at. There is a hole in their couch.

A tiny circle of burned away fabric, with uneven, scorched edges and unmistakable ash surrounding it.

"Oh my stars, I'm going to kill him!"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Also feel free to visit [my Tumblr](https://iinoyb.tumblr.com/about), I take requests!


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